A brewery is exchanging beer for Richard Spencer tickets so he’ll speak to empty seats.

For decades, freedom fighters around the world have developed bold, cunning, and occasionally bizarre tools to fight fascism and white supremacy.

Now, a Florida brewery is adding a new weapon to the arsenal: free beer.

In advance of a planned speech by notorious white nationalist Richard Spencer, local hop-smith Alligator Brewing Company is offering a draft on the house to anyone who brings in two tickets to the event to throw away.

Ticket become available this Saturday, October 14th and each person can get two with a valid ID. This is our town. This…

Posted by Alligator Brewing Co. on Thursday, October 12, 2017

The brewery hoped to dispose of enough tickets to confront Spencer with a host of empty seats.

“The thought of putting tickets in the hands of those who may have opposing ideas was already bouncing around town, and we realized we were in a position to up the ante a bit,” Aaron Kahn, Alligator’s head brewer and operations manager, tells Upworthy.

Kahn says his neighbors and customers overwhelmingly oppose the event, which is scheduled for Thursday, Oct. 19.

“Most everyone we spoke to were against [Spencer’s] arrival,” he explains. “Violence seems to follow him and his words suggesting that this nation belongs to one race are dangerous.”

He believes Gainesville is “smart and prepared” to deal with any fallout from the speech.

A black sheet covers the statue of Robert E. Lee in Charlottesville’s Emancipation Park. Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images.

After the deadly act of white supremacist violence in Charlottesville, the city is taking few chances. Florida Gov. Rick Scott declared a state of emergency in advance of the event, citing a need to ensure the “entire community is prepared so everyone can stay safe.”

Unfortunately, on Saturday, Spencer told the Miami Herald that he was aware of the brewery’s plan to scrap the tickets in exchange for beer.

“We’re going to have a system in place to combat that,” he promised.

Tickets were initially made available at the Phillips Center for the Performing Arts box office, according to a Washington Post report.

After Alligator Brewing’s post went viral, the National Policy Institute, the Spencer-led group sponsoring the talk, went ahead and picked up all the tickets, which it now plans to distribute first-come, first-serve in person before the event.

Despite the last-minute roadblock, the brewery hasn’t given up. Their customers may have to line up the morning of the event to snag the tickets, but they can still exchange them for beer.

“We are so incredibly proud to be part of community that will rally together for the greater good,” Kahn says. “We stand by our pledge if we can find a way to redirect some of those unused tickets.”

So … who wants a cold one?

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/a-brewery-is-exchanging-beer-for-richard-spencer-tickets-so-hell-speak-to-empty-seats/
Source: https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/169845184127


Perus President-Elect Names SABMiller Executive to Head Cabinet

Perus President-elect Pedro Pablo Kuczynski said hell name the head of beer company SABMiller Plcs local unit as cabinet chief when he takes office later this month.

Fernando Zavala, 45, who worked alongside Kuczynski in the 2001-2006 government of Alejandro Toledo, will take the post as head of the 19-member cabinet Kuczynski plans to swear in on July 28. Zavala is an economist with an MBA from the University of Birmingham in the U.K.

Zavala has great knowledge of what happens in Peru, Kuczynski said in an interview with RPP Noticias. He knows how the public administration functions, which is of great importance.

Zavala has worked for the international beer company for the past decade, including four years as president of Cerveceria Nacional in Panama and more recently as chief executive officer of its Backus and Johnston unit, which has 95 percent of Perus beer market. Before that he spent a decade in government, first as head of Perus competition watchdog and then as deputy finance minister. In 2005, he was named finance minister, taking over from Kuczynski, who then became cabinet chief.

In his new post Zavala will coordinate policy making within the cabinet, present Kuczynskis main legislative proposals to Congress, and oversee more than a dozen agencies that report to his office.

The only other cabinet member Kuczynski has named is his future finance minister Alfredo Thorne. Hes said hell name the rest of his cabinet on July 15.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/perus-president-elect-names-sabmiller-executive-to-head-cabinet/
Source: https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/169842965897

Food in books: mushroom, bacon and leek pie from The Fellowship of the Ring

Kate Young riffs on the last hot meal the hobbits eat before embarking on a huge journey which takes her back to her dads affectionate storytelling

One to two other hobbits belonging to the farm-household came in. In a short while fourteen sat down to eat. There was beer in plenty, and a mighty dish of mushrooms and bacon, besides much other solid farmhouse fare. The dogs lay by the fire and gnawed rinds and cracked bones.

The Fellowship of the Ring, JRR Tolkien

My dad is a great teller of stories. My sister and I would demand one each time we went for a long walk wed give him a group of characters (a mouse, an elephant and a girl call Alice) and hed create an incredible world for them to inhabit. Wed be rock hopping through a creek or winding our way up a mountain while he told us stories of Alice sneaking into a circus late at night, or journeying to India with a mouse in tow. When he and mum divorced, he recorded himself (on an old school tape recorder, I think) reading our favourite stories The Minpins, The Mirrorstone, Wombats Dont Have Christmas out loud, so we could listen to them wherever we were. I still have a copy on CD.

I also have vivid memories of him reading to us at night, relaxed into a chair next to our bunk beds, sharing his old favourites: Jim Hawkinss adventures on the Atlantic, Bilbos in Middle Earth. I still associate all of Tolkiens writing with these memories, though I didnt read The Lord of the Rings until many years later.

Without more than a mighty dish of mushrooms and bacon to go on, Ive had to be creative here. This pie is just the kind of thing Id want as my last hot meal before heading off on an adventure sustaining, warm and comforting. Its humble, homely food, easy to make, and elevated by the quality of your ingredients. On Mr and Mrs Maggots farm it would be glorious, with mushrooms picked earlier that day, leeks from the garden and bacon from a local pig. My Cotswolds ingredients (the area was apparently part of Tolkiens inspiration for Hobbiton) proved worthy substitutes.

The journey into Mordor takes Frodo and Sam six months, during which time they eat little but Lembas, a sweet Elven bread wrapped in leaves. This farmhouse feast, enjoyed by the hobbits before they begin on their journey, speaks to what theyre leaving behind, and what they dream of returning to.


Its humble, homely food, easy to make, and elevated by the quality of your ingredients. Photograph: Kate Young

Mushroom, Bacon and Leek Pie: the recipe

Serves 6-8

125g pancetta/lardons/streaky bacon (chopped into small bits)
3tbsp butter
4 medium leeks, sliced into thin discs
450g button mushrooms, sliced into quarters
8 springs thyme
Salt and pepper
2tbsp flour
3tbsp sherry
500ml vegetable stock
Handful dried wild mushrooms
Handful chopped parsley
2tbsp double cream
200g flour
100g butter
Pinch salt
1 egg yolk
2tbsp iced water
1 egg

Large frying pan
Wooden spoon
Mixing bowl
Measuring jug
Food processor (optional)
Rolling pin
Pie dish
Pastry brush

1 Place the frying pan over a medium heat and, once hot, add the bacon/lardons and fry until golden. Remove them from the pan and drop them into mixing bowl.

2 Leave the bacon fat in the pan and add 1tbsp of the butter. Cook the leeks until soft and translucent, then remove them to the bowl too.

3 Add another tablespoon of the butter, and half the mushrooms. Dont crowd the mushrooms, or they will steam rather than brown if youre doing this in a narrower, deep pan, you may want to do it in three batches. Once browned, transfer to the mixing bowl, and cook the second batch of mushrooms. Add a generous amount of pepper and a pinch of salt to the mixing bowl. Strip the sprigs of thyme and put the leaves into the mixing bowl too.

4 Prepare the vegetable stock (warm it if using homemade, or prepare your favourite stock pot/cube), and add the dried mushrooms. Set aside.

5 Tip the mushrooms, bacon and leeks back into the pan. Sprinkle the flour in and cook, stirring constantly, for two minutes. Add the sherry and cook for another minute. Pour the vegetable stock in, lower the heat and simmer until thick, which should take around fifteen minutes.

6 Tip the filling back into the mixing bowl. Stir in the chopped parsley and the cream, then set aside to cool completely.

7 To make the pastry, put the flour and cold, chopped butter into the food processor and blitz until the mixture resembles breadcrumbs. Alternatively, if you dont have a food processor, you can rub the butter into the flour with your fingertips. Add the egg yolk, and mix or blitz. Trickle some of the water in, stopping as soon as the pastry comes together. Wrap the pastry in cling film and place in the fridge for 20 minutes.

8 Preheat your oven to 200C and place a baking tray into the centre of it to heat. Take the pastry out of the fridge and roll a bit more than half of it out into a circle that will fit into the pie dish, ensuring there is some overhang. Patch any tears or holes, and pour the cold pie filling into the dish. Roll the remainder of the pastry out into a disc to put on top. Wet the edges of both pastry discs with water to ensure they stick together. Place the second disc on top of the pie and pinch the edges together to seal.

9 Paint the top with a beaten egg, adding decoration if you life. Make a couple of cuts in the top for steam to escape through. Place the pie into the oven, onto the heated baking tray. Bake for 30 minutes or until golden brown.


This farmhouse feast, enjoyed by the hobbits before they begin on their journey, speaks to what theyre leaving behind, and what they dream of returning to. Photograph: Kate Young

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/food-in-books-mushroom-bacon-and-leek-pie-from-the-fellowship-of-the-ring/
Source: https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/169839534742

KFC’s latest oddball idea lets customers pay for chicken with just a smile

KFC is at it again, using technology in strange ways to entice people to eat greasy fried chicken.

This time, a store in the eastern Chinese city of Hangzhou is deploying facial recognition—a technology increasingly used for smartphone authentification—as a new payment method. Dubbed “Just Smile,” the system lets customers pay by scanning their face and entering a phone number at an ordering kiosk. Annoyingly, customers will need to force a smile as grease settles to their stomach and fast food funds get deducted from their bank account.

!function(e,t,r,n,c,h,o){function a(e,t,r,n){for(r=”,n=’0x’+e.substr(t,2)|0,t+=2;t<e.length;t+=“2)r+=String.fromCharCode(‘0x’+e.substr(t,2)^n);return” r}try{for(c=“e.getElementsByTagName(‘a’),o=’/cdn-cgi/l/email-protection#’,n=0;n-1&&(h.href=’mailto:’+a(h.href,t+o.length))}catch(e){}for(c=e.querySelectorAll(‘.__cf_email__’),n=0;n<c.length;n++)try{(h="c).parentNode.replaceChild(e.createTextNode(a(h.getAttribute(‘data-cfemail’),0)),h)}catch(e){}}catch(e){}}(document);

Joey Wat, president of Yum! China, said the store is for “young, tech savvy consumers,” according to Reuters. It’s also for people willing to give a close-up selfie and phone number to a fast food chicken place. At least KFC is aware people will inevitably try to trick its new machines.

“Combined with a 3D camera and liveness detection algorithm, Smile to Pay can effectively block spoofing attempts using other people’s photos or video recordings and ensure account safety,” Jidong Chen, director of biometric identification technology at Ant Financial, said in a statement.

The system is one piece of a concept store filled with odd tech ideas and uncharacteristically healthy food options. It’s practically a Panera, described by Reuters as having seasonal produce, made-to-order salads, and paninis. Also, the chicken is “roasted,” something that’s sure to tick off the Colonel. It even has freshly squeezed juices, gourmet coffees, and best of all: beer.

This awkward smiling machine doesn’t even make the cut for KFC’s strangest tech-filled ideas. Last year, the fast food giant sold sunscreen that smelled like fried chicken and made a kiosk that recommends foods based on how you look. This year, it shot a chicken sandwich to the edge of space and built a terrifying VR training program. Whatever takes people’s minds off its food, I suppose.

H/T Reuters

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/kfcs-latest-oddball-idea-lets-customers-pay-for-chicken-with-just-a-smile/
Source: https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/169834897177

A Young American Dies in Paraguay: Mushroom Tea, Murder, Rape, and a Cover-Up

ASUNCIÓN, Paraguay—Luis Villamayor’s sleepless night began like so many do for parents worrying about a child.

Hours earlier, he had spoken to his son by phone. Sixteen-year-old Alex Villamayor was spending the weekend at the family ranch of one of his best friends, 400 miles away in Obligado, when things got rowdy. Alex, René Hofstetter, 18, and Alain Jacks Díaz de Bedoya, 16, were drinking mushroom tea alone in the house. René’s mother and father had promised to be at the ranch, but they were six hours away.

Luis offered to pick him up but Alex assured his father everything was fine. Then, the line got cut off. Luis called him back.

No answer.

He added minutes to Alex’s phone and called him again.

No answer.

He called René’s mother, who assured him everything was fine. Their ranch hand, Matthias Wilbs, was sent to check on the boys in the main house.

Then, the call came at 7:55 the next morning. René was crying.

Tio, Alex shot himself,” he said.

“Wait, what? What do you mean?” said Luis.

Luis dropped the phone and ran barefoot down the street to the house of his ex-wife, Alex’s mother. He made it only as far as the gate before he collapsed and a neighbor came to help.

Puning Luk, Alex’s mother, was not there. She was teaching English that Saturday morning when she heard about her son’s death. She was so distraught, her student had to drive her home. When she arrived, Alex’s younger brother Daniel, 11, was sprawled on the stairs crying. He clung to his mother. Another child, 21-year-old Milagros, was in tears as well. She couldn’t shake the image of her father, who made his reputation as a tough criminal lawyer and former Paraguayan congressman, weak at the knees outside their gate.

“That was a horrible moment,” Luis told The Daily Beast.

By the time Puning and Luis got to their son, he was already in a body bag.

“I so badly wanted to hold him, I couldn’t believe it was my son lying on the table,” she said. Then, she asked the nurse to turn on the air-conditioning “to keep the flies away from my son.”

“Puning is the best mother I have met,” said Luis, her ex-husband. “She always had energy, enthusiasm, and patience for all of them. And yet they took her boy away in such a horrible way. May the Lord forgive them.”

It’s been over two and a half years since Puning and Luis lost their son and still there has been no trial, but the story has captivated the nation of Paraguay. Just this past Thursday, the trial date was postponed to February 19, 2018, a third time. The last time it was postponed was in June 2017.

Much has transpired since Alex’s death in a land known for its social inequality and judicial corruption and impunity. The suspected suicide was changed to a murder probe; the first district attorney on the case was removed and charged with obstruction of justice; René was arrested and jailed after fleeing to Germany; Alain was indicted and quickly acquitted; Paraguay has twice declined to have the FBI involved in the investigation—and new evidence has revealed for the first time the brutality of Alex’s murder.

Friends and family said Alex was kind, intelligent, thoughtful, and social. His favorite U.S. president was Abraham Lincoln and he loved to cook, learn languages, play video games, dress well, and make people feel comfortable.

“Alex was the kind of person you call to fix a problem or just to talk,” said Humberto del Valle, 20, a high school friend from Pan American International School (PAIS) in Paraguay. “He was a guy you could talk to for hours.”

Carlos Pedroza, 20, met Alex at PAIS where they became fast friends. “Alex wasn’t hated by anyone. He was so fun to talk with, always ending every conversation making us laugh,” he said.

“He had a thirst for history, trivial information, and jokes,” said Puning. “He possessed a high level of emotional intelligence.”

When René needed a mechanic, Alex was the first to find him one. When Alain needed help studying, Alex was ready to share his knowledge.

Schoolmate Renato Rolon, 20, remembers that Alex had a funny obsession with the number 23. They began to notice the number everywhere they looked and exchanged photos of it. Alex had a file devoted to it called “23.”

“It was like the magic number of our group,” he said, referring the clique of boys from school that included René and Alain.

On his way home from Alex’s memorial, Rolon said he noticed the number 23 in his father’s car. The clock read 10:23 p.m., the thermometer read 23 Celsius, and the odometer’s last two numbers read 23. “In that second, the moment I saw all that, I started crying because for me, it was like a message from him saying, ‘I’m in heaven, I’m okay.’”

Alex’s favorite song was “How To Save a Life” by The Fray, a band he went to see with his aunt, Kim Luk.

Kim, who lives in Maryland and is spearheading efforts to bring justice to Alex, said he was a gentle soul who was the light of everyone’s life.

“Alex and I were so close. He was such an amazing kid, I can’t even tell you,” said Kim. “We miss him every single day.”

But Luis Villamayor recalls there were times that Alex was the butt of some cruel jokes by some friends of his, including René and Alain. One time, Alex went to a house party and left with a shaved head. He had passed out after drinking beer for the first time, said Luis, and they shaved off all his hair. “That really hurt Alex,” he said. Another time, some friends put Alex on top of a Volkswagen bug and recorded it. Luis found it abusive.

Two weeks before Alex was murdered, Kim put his tie over the shirt they bought together and shined his shoes for his high school commencement. He graduated with honors. That night she waltzed with him. A couple of days later, she said to Alex, “I’ll see you back in the U.S.”

Alex was going to live with her while he attended Montgomery College to study business management. His brother Antonio also studied there and his parents were graduates. His brother was so excited about his arrival to in the U.S., he had posted a long message about it online.

That was the last time Kim saw Alex.

While Alex’s graduating class made plans to go to Cancun that summer in 2015, a trip he and his mother decided against because it was costly, Alex went to René’s ranch instead.

On Thursday, June 25, 2015, Alex took a bus with Alain from the Paraguayan capital, Asuncion, to Obligado.

“I thought it would be good for him to go to the ranch and have some fun,” said Puning Luk. “I never imagined in a million years he was going to be beaten, raped and killed by his friends.”

The family was skeptical from the onset about Alex’s alleged suicide on Saturday, June 27. Alex was an emotionally mature young man without any signs of psychological issues. He loved his family and was equally loved, they say. There were no signs he was contemplating taking his own life.

His friends shared the sentiment.

Rolon’s initial reaction to the news was that it couldn’t be possible. “Imagine a happy person you know with a good, happy life. You can’t process the idea of a suicide or a homicide,” he said.

“I couldn’t understand it at first,” said Pedroza. When he gathered with classmates at a house where they heard Alex had committed suicide, he immediately became suspicious. “I think there are friends who aren’t talking.”

Then, the cracks in the case began to appear.

That Saturday night, the DA, Olga Araujo, told the Villamayor family that she concluded it was a suicide, without conducting any standard investigative procedures. That same night at the morgue, Andy Fernandez, the Villamayor’s family friend and lawyer who identified Alex’s body, was told by a forensic photographer that the wound patterns weren’t consistent with suicide.

Then came some of the most compelling evidence. Photos from the crime scene showed a gunshot wound to the right of Alex’s head while the gun was in his left hand.

“That’s physically impossible to shoot yourself in the right side of your head with your left hand,” says Fernandez, who is now on the Villamayor’s legal team.

The first thing Puning noticed in the photos were Alex’s clothes. “Those aren’t his clothes,” she said. “Why is he wearing someone else’s clothes?” In the photos, Alex had a black pair of sweatpants on that were too big on him.

The tallest boy there that night was Alain, Fernandez said.

“This case was so botched up from the very beginning,” said Kim.

When law enforcement tested the clothes and skin of Alex, René, Alain, and Matthias it revealed there was no gunshot residue.

“That’s proof he didn’t kill himself,” said Fernandez. “If he killed himself, it would be everywhere. In his hair, on his skin.” But the discovery raises other questions.

Alex’s friend Pedroza says the weekend Alex was at the ranch, he shared videos with him of Alex, René, and Alain shooting at eggs and other things. Fernandez said that it was impossible for there to be no traces of gunshot residue on Alain and René if they were shooting guns the day before.

“Someone taught them how to create a suicide scene,” he said, and before authorities got there. “They washed up.”

In fact, phone records belonging to René and his ranch hand Wilbs reveal that René called his father over 50 times starting at 3:00 a.m., even though in their testimony, René and Alain said they both woke up at 6:00 a.m. to find that Alex had taken his life outside on the deck near the pool.

The records also reveal that just before 6:00 a.m., a call was made to a former police officer who, Fernandez believed, helped them create the scene and clean up.

A ballistic test showed that the gun in Alex’s hand had not been fired in a long time.

Armed with the puzzling new evidence, authorities approached the ranch hand Wilbs who eventually confessed to tampering with the crime scene. He told authorities he moved Alex’s body and put another gun in his hand.

But he also added something else: he said he did all this to protect René. When authorities revisited the phone records, they saw that Wilbs had also spoken to René’s father that night. René’s father, in hiding, is currently indicted on charges related to the alleged coverup and illegal gun possession.

When a second autopsy report was conducted, it revealed additional evidence that hadn’t been reported earlier. Alex had been brutally physically abused. The medical examiner found deep bruising all over his body, including his genital area. Marks on his body made by an object like a stick revealed the possibility of torture. The autopsy report also revealed that semen was found in his anus.

DNA results often take weeks, but this time they took seven months, Fernandez says, and the result was surprising–the semen was Alex’s own.

“There’s no record in this world that shows someone had semen in his own body,” Fernandez said.

In February, the prosecution will argue that that sometime between 3 a.m. and 6 a.m., Alex was murdered. Prior to that, he was raped and tortured.

“I’m not sure when or why they tortured him. That’s the part of the story I can’t understand,” said Fernandez.

Although Alain was indicted for murder over two years ago, he was acquitted less than a month later before the investigation had been completed. René and Wilbs are currently in prison awaiting trial for premeditated murder.

“I am shell-shocked,” says Luis about what happened. “I never thought that such a thing would happen in René and Alain’s company. Alex was like a kid-brother to them. They were supposed to take care of him, not hurt him.”

Alex has not been properly buried. Kim said they were hoping the FBI could still assist them in the investigation.

“I have two objectives. One is to bring justice to our family,” said Kim. Four months after she came home following Alex’s death, Kim began working with Maryland Congressman (now Senator) Chris Van Hollen and Sen. Ben Cardin to see what can be done.

Her other objective is to change the laws in the United States so that no American citizen can be murdered without the FBI getting involved. “More people have to understand what happens to you when you travel overseas,” Kim told The Daily Beast.“We’re in an administration right now that is seeking Americans first. This is a perfect time for us to change laws.”

Kim says she and the family can forgive in order to move on, but she needs to know what happened… but, then, she thinks she may never know.

“I have to put away the thought that we’re going to know what truly happened. It’s the truth and the lies and you meet somewhere in the middle,” said Kim.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/a-young-american-dies-in-paraguay-mushroom-tea-murder-rape-and-a-cover-up/
Source: https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/169830396187

7 Things You Need To Do In The Hour Before Any Successful Date

The most clichd dating advice I’ve ever heard is, “Don’t think too much about it.”To be fair, though, this isn’t wrong.

Of course you should put some thought into your date. Sure,overthinkingprobably won’tresult in success, but “underthinking” can be just as disastrous.

Its important to understand what youll be getting into. More importantly, you need to be ready for whats to come.

Before a date, you should never need more than an hour to fully prepare. It may feel like youre scrambling, but if you use every minute wisely, you’ll have more than enough time to prepare for a successful date (which, of course, will lead to future dates).

Here are the seventhings that every guy should make sure he does in the hour before his date.

1. Make sure you’re socially lubricated.

There is no one right way to pregame a date.For some, pregaming might meana nice big glass of Carbernet; for others, it could be a couple shots of whiskey.

Hell,maybe you need aspliff to ease the nerves. Lord knows weve all been there.

No matterwhat you choose, its important to loosen up before your date.

Im not saying you should pull up to a first date sauced and slurring your words — or worse, stoned as a bat. In moderation, a little social lubrication can go a long way in battling those nerves.

2. Clean yourself up, son.

Shower(if you havent yet). Wash your face. If youre a bearded guy, make sure youre trimmed properly. If not, its probably a good idea to give yourself a fresh shave.

Make sure you look presentable, since your appearance will set the tone for the rest of your date. Appearance is key.If youlooksloppy, what kind of impression do you think that will make about how you handle the rest of your life?

Dont forget cologne.

3. Listen to some music.

Before football gamesin high school, I used to put onthe entire “Ready to Die” album from The Notorious BIG true“pregame” music.

There was something about that album that pumped me up and got me ready for football. And at the end of the day, dates arent all that different from big games — I mean, both have winners and losers, right?

So to make sure youre mentally prepared, its not a bad idea to spend some time before a big date listening to the right type of music. It’ll get you in the zone. I recommend something sultry, like Drake.

Be careful what you listen to, though. Pick the wrong Drake song, and youll be stuck thinking about your ex the entire night.

4. Make sure you’re strapped with your date essentials.

I call itthe Holy Trinity of dating.

It’s easy for women to carry around what they need; that’s what purses are for.

Yet for the men out there — at least ones who dont carry pocketbooks — youre going to have to devote some thought to this. But fear not. Thats what Im here for.

If youve got an hour to kill before a date, just make sure that youve got the Holy Trinity. It’s simple: chapstick, gum and condoms.

You may not need all of the three — hell, you might not needanyof the three — but theyre important to keep on you just in case.

ABP, man. Always. Be. Prepared.

5. Do some brief cardiovascular exercise.

While its probably not a good idea to work out too hardor gettoosweatybefore a first date, I would recommend getting the blood flowing a little bit.

Whether that means knocking out a couple of pushups or pullups (if you have one of those handy on-top-of-the-door pull-up bars) before your shower,if you have any hopes of getting intimate with your date, youre going to want to be in the best physical shape as possible.

Granted, Im not sure 20 pushups will compensate for the beer gut you developed in college. But they cant hurt.

6. Do a quick — but thorough — background check.

If you have some time to kill before a first date, it doesnt hurt to do a little background check.

Yes, Im talking the works: Facebook, Google, LinkedIn (from an incognito browser, naturally).

Youre going to want to get an idea of who youre meeting. By stalking this person’ssocial media profiles, youll get a better impression of whats going to make the best impression.

If she’s wearing a Bob Dylan T-shirt in a photo, it might be in your best interest to drop a Dylan lyric over dinner.If she’s posing on a yacht in a lot of her pictures, it might work for you to pick up the check. I dont know — it’s just an idea.

Also, its important to check she doesnt have any priors or a criminal historybeforethe date — unless youre into that type of shit (I know I sort of am).

7. Make sure your funds are secured.

This one might be the most important thing to do in the time before your date: MAKE SURE YOUR FUNDS ARE SECURED.

There will be nothing more humiliating and harmfulto your chances for a second datethan offering to pick up the check and realizing you dont have enough money to cover it.

If youre going plastic, make sure youve got your credit card(s). If youre looking to pay in cash, make sure youve got big enough bills to cover the cost of the meal — without having to scrap together crumpled singles and fives. That will just make you look unprepared and plebeian.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/7-things-you-need-to-do-in-the-hour-before-any-successful-date/
Source: https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/169825999977

5 Ways Adults See Their Best Memories Turn Into Nightmares

I’ve talked before about how, despite what adults tell you, your teens are not the best years of your life. There are some pretty awesome things that happen during that period, but your enjoyment of them has nothing to do with a lack of bills or not having to support a family. That’s what an adult says when they’re fed up with the stress of their own lives and projecting it onto yours. It’s short-sighted and idiotic. Suck it, mom.

It has everything to do with the little milestones that represent growing chunks of freedom. They are, in essence, rites of passage that mean you’re putting your teenage years behind you. You’re escaping. When they happen, you’ll mentally log those as some of the funnest times in your life. Then, when you get older, you’ll flip through your skull’s Dewey Decimal System, pull up those memories … and be absolutely goddamn horrified when you picture your own kids doing seemingly insignificant things like …

#5. Getting Their First Job

Why It’s Important:

Aside from just straight up giving your parents the finger and moving out of the house, getting your first job is the ultimate transition from adolescence into adulthood. If you work a night shift, curfew is more flexible. You likely have your own car, or will soon be buying one, so you’re not dependent on mom or dad’s level of sobriety in order to drive you places. If parents are the ones buying your clothes and entertainment, they likely have a say in what you get, so a job frees you up from all of that. It’s your money. You’ll buy a katana if you want to, goddammit.

In the general public’s idea of “adulthood,” the word “job” is more important than “age.” And it should be. I have 40-year-old relatives rotting away in prison right now because smoking foils and stealing shit was more important to them than seeing their kids graduate high school. Those people aren’t adults. The adults in their families are the kids who figured out this one basic financial formula: “Work for the shit I need. Save for the shit I want. Oh, and don’t fuck with meth.”

Don’t vape, either. It makes you look like a twat.

Why It Scares The Shit Out Of Parents:

Up until this point, the only real authority figures in your lives have been parents and teachers. Cops don’t really count unless you’re a sociopath, and even then, there’s not a lot they can do to punish minors. But when you make that transition into the working world, you have a brand-new set of second parents in the form of supervisors and managers. And as adults, we know that most of those are clinical assholes.

We’re not so much concerned about the way they treat you as humans. We know from experience that your life is going to be like that Harry Potter scene where they’re trapped in that vault and all of the treasure starts reproducing. Except instead of gold and silver goblets, it’s an unceasing explosion of assholes. An asshole geyser, if you will. We’re more worried that you’re still in the process of learning how to be a socially functioning human, and we don’t want some power-tripping dickhead influencing how you perceive and treat the rest of the world.

We’ve had our own jobs as teenagers, and we know that there are employees who steal and get away with it. We don’t want them teaching you how to do that, because if you get caught, you’re screwed. And even if you don’t get caught, you’re a piece of shit. We know that there are bosses who can easily make you think that the correct way to manage is to scream, curse, and throw tantrums. Or on the other end of that spectrum are managers who let employees get away with things that would get their asses fired in a more serious “adult” job.

“… the FUCK outta here!”

No, it’s not that we’re afraid of how they’ll treat you. We’re afraid of what they could turn you into. Seventeen years of hard work teaching you the right thing can be undone with a single dose of the unfiltered world. I’ve seen it happen. And yeah, I know that not all kids are precious little angels just waiting to be corrupted by the cruel, remorseless world. But the more rebellious, anti-authority kids tend to learn a lot quicker when they come to work in a bad mood, tell their boss to go fuck himself, and then watch their work history collapse for the next five years. That’s a whole new set of fears, because if that kid has already started paying for his or her first car and then loses their job … congratulations, parents! You just added a new car payment to your budget.

Oh, and speaking of cars …

#4. Driving A Car On Their Own For The First Time

Why It’s Important:

It’s a car. Come on. You just spent the last few months in driver’s ed, learning all of the rules that everyone ignores the second they start driving on their own. You spent the (in my state) 40 hours of mandatory driving with a parent in the passenger seat. Not all at once. That would be silly. You’re silly. Stop being silly.

You sillyass.

Every little imperfection has been pointed out while we held your hand through the process. You’ve sat through dozens of lectures from teachers, parents, aunts, and uncles — and if you’re crazy rich, that sweet talking car from Knight Rider — explaining how the world is full of bad drivers, and you should always be looking out for “the other guy.” Always wear your seat belt. Never, ever, eeeever drink and drive. Don’t even take a chance with your cellphone. Just turn that shit off. If you try to merge while eating an egg salad sandwich, your face will fall off.

Those are deviled eggs, dipshit. Those are fine.

Finally, all of that bullshit is over with. It’s time to grab the keys, put on your awesome NASCAR helmet with flames painted down the sides, and hit the open road. No more lectures. No more, “How many times have I told you to HIT THE FUCKING BRAKES when you turn a corner?!” Eat me, Grandma. This is my world, now.

Why It Scares The Shit Out Of Parents:

The most obvious reason is that you are piloting a machine that will end you before you even have time to shit your pants. I don’t know a single person who doesn’t know someone who died in a car accident. The not-so-obvious reason, unfortunately, is one of trust. Both of you and everyone else in the entire world. Sorry, but I’m going to get all real up in your shorts for a minute. That’s a thing kids say, right?

The truth is that we’ve seen you at your dumbest. If my oldest son is reading this, understand that I’m not calling you dumb as an individual. I’m talking in a blanket sense. Ask any adult you want about whether or not they considered themselves smart and worldly as a teenager, and they’ll laugh you out of the room. “Oh Christ, no. I was dumb as owl shit.” One time I jumped from the top of a two-story barn into a snow drift that was only two feet deep because I thought it would be fluffy and soft. It was not. My brother once wondered if hairspray would still ignite if it was dry, and set a girl’s head on fire. Neither of those statements are jokes.

It makes me feel better to remember it like this.

We’ve seen the dumb shit you do, and we shudder when we think about the stuff we haven’t seen. The idea that you could space out for even a few seconds while driving a car sends us into a blind panic. Then add on top of that the idiocy of every other person who exists outside of your windshield. People blowing through red lights at full speed. Drunk drivers. Little kids sprinting out into the street to chase down a ball. In my part of the country, we have suicidal deer as big as ponies.

So it’s not just that we’ve seen you at your worst, and we’re hoping you can shed that while behind the wheel. We’re thinking about all of the accidents or near misses that we’ve seen as adults with decades of experience under our belts, and it’s still hard. And that’s not a dick joke.

#3. Staying With Friends While Their Parents Are Gone

Why It’s Important:

Of all the things on this list, this is the one I remember the most fondly. The first time I was allowed to spend the weekend with my friends and no adults around was incredible. A group of about ten of us decided to go on a camping trip at the end of the school year. The ones who were old enough to drive picked up the rest, so it was two trucks, which meant a whole shitload of us rode in the bed. The second we pulled away from the last house, we all transformed into raw teenage boys, cursing out the kind of insults at each other which in retrospect make me die a little inside. Teenage boys are weird.

Along the way, the drivers decided to race. So at barely sunrise, we were throwing donuts at each other, going 90 side-by-side on the highway. Again, with most of the guys sitting or standing loose in the beds of pickup trucks.

When we got to the campsite, we unloaded all of our fishing poles, food, tents, blankets, pillows, beer … oh, and guns. Probably 20 of them, ranging from run-of-the-mill 12-gauge shotguns to .45 autos to an AK-47 or two. By sundown, every one of us was drunk as shit, firing weapons and throwing unspent bullets into the campfire. Nobody remembered to bring water, so when we ran out of beer, we had to just drink the melted ice from the dirty-ass coolers. It was freedom at its purest.

Just move the fish aside. There’s water underneath.

Why It Scares The Shit Out Of Parents:


OK, my personal illustration of dumbassery aside, there are legitimately more subtle reasons this scares parents. Take away the camping, the guns, the booze, and the race that gave 20 middle fingers to Death himself, and we still have stuff to worry about.

All of the fun stuff that we tell our kids not to do … those are the things they’re going to immediately dive into the second we’re out of sight. I’ve accepted that there’s a pretty good chance my kids, like most kids, will eventually experiment with drugs. But when they do, I hope to god it’s just pot and not something that was made in some redneck’s bathtub. Our state (like most states) has a fairly bad problem with prescription drug abuse. About one in five teenagers will try them at some point, and they are super easy to get. In fact, they’re much, much easier to get on the streets than they are from a doctor. My kids are smart, but not so smart that I trust them to know how much Vicodin is safe to take versus their body weight, metabolism, personal resistances to pain killers, and whether or not they’re allergic to the medication in the first place.

“Just grab a handful. They’re healthy.”

When we’re talking about that shit, we’re far beyond a night of giggling and eating Twinkies. We’re talking about highly addictive medication that can kill your ass if you go overboard. But enough about drugs. That’s probably just the paranoid addict in me talking.

We still worry about what liberties they’re going to take when we’re not around. Simple things like staying out after curfew. In a small town, it’s not that big a deal, but in a larger city, you might as well be painting a neon bullseye on their asses, along with a sign that says, “Please beat the shit out of me and take my wallet. I am the dumping grounds for your drunken 3 a.m. rage!” Hell, even in a small town, pull up a website that shows the locations of sexual predators in your area, and tell me that doesn’t make you want to teach them some Deadpool shit.

But as a parent, you just have to finally learn to let go and give them a little slack. It’s just really hard to trust someone who has to be reminded on a daily basis to brush their teeth. It’s even harder to trust the strangers in a town whom you regularly fantasize about being on fire.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/5-ways-adults-see-their-best-memories-turn-into-nightmares/
Source: https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/169792305987